We used to think National Geographic could be trusted to bring us non-exploitative, unbiased stories about this wonderful world we cohabit with you rapacious humans.

Those days are now over. The once-kind people of NG have gone all National Inquirer on the squid nation, choosing to publish this expose of our modest and slightly deviant sex lives.

What? Of course we’re a little kinky. I mean, who hasn’t cut a two-inch gash in their partner to inject a spermatophore? C’mon, people, don’t play innocent with us.

– your friend, Squishy the Squid

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