We decided it was time to do some instant radio theater for this summer’s Armadillocon. The concept was that we’d write a funny half-hour radio play, heavy on Game of Thrones and AD&D jokes, post it as an event in the con schedule, and cast it out of the three people who turned up. We’d force these three people to read the script cold, do a lot of funny accents, and then fix all the bad audio in post.
And guess what? It’s finished! And amazingly about 25 people turned up to participate and share a few laughs at the expense of medieval warriors and weird Americans. We had a full cast of 10 people!
If you want to download the MP3 for offline listening, you can find it at https://www.spacesquid.com/wp-content/uploads/Questing-radioplay.mp3 . Full script appears below.
Questing
(c) 2019 d.r.r. chang
Narrator: Five bold and hungry adventurers meet on a sunny afternoon downtown.
SFX: coffee steamer, clinking of silverware in cup
Qatt
Hail and well met! Thank you for responding to my announcement.
Frandrick
Greetings.
Jace
Good day.
Frandrick
It was wise of you to hire a herald to ring out your words in the town square. These Americans do not know how to properly announce an event.
Barista
(distant shout) Iced coffee grande for Cameron…?
Qatt
Thank you.
Jace
So it’s just the three of us right now? I was hoping for more swords.
Qatt
Maybe more are on their way. I am your humble organizer, Qatt Qibble (Kibble) of Qarth. That’s Qatt with a q and two t’s, of course. Senior underassistant 5th class for the Qarth Sorcerors’ Supper Series and Social Circle since 331 AC. Curator of the magical arts, at your service.
Frandrick
Curator? What does that mean, Qatt? Do you cast fireballs? Or do you just write cryptic descriptions of the visual majesty of fireballs on little white cards, and then stick them to museum walls on which fireballs have been cast?
Jace
Uh, Qatt, there is a parasite in your tunic. Should I strangle it for you?
Qatt
Nay! That’s Qasper, my dire cat. One c, one t.
Qasper
Mrrrrrrrow!
Frandrick
Dyer cat, really? Is it good with coloring light delicates? I have this… uh… unfortunately placed salsa stain–
Jace
Ha! I am Jace Mormont of Bear Island, thank you for asking. I was bitten by a radioactive raven a fortnight ago and woke up here in this strange kingdom. I am riding the “struggle bus” as they say, just trying to avoid starvation. I am a berzerker/healer. They say I am a savage combatant, but I can also heal my comrades.
Frandrick
Aye. Savage. Jace attacks first, and heals her victim apologetically later.
Jace
Frandrick! That’s not true.
Qatt
So you and Jace know each other?
Jace
I know that he’s been eating my salt fish for about 5 days.
Qasper
(intrigued) Mrrrr-owwwww…!
Frandrick
Aye, I am Frandrick Snow of Winterfell, a scoundrel and cutpurse. Last week I drank too much wine, fell into a magic well, and landed in a dumpster not far from Jace.
Qatt
These Americans love dumpsters. They are everywhere, and you wouldn’t believe what you can find inside them.
Slays
Hey! Is this the adventurer’s guild? I haven’t killed anything in over a day!
Jace
Well, well! This man-mountain looks like he’s dying to bleed a little for a better future.
Qatt
Sit down and have one of these hot ales, friend! I’m Qatt and this is Jace and Frandrick.
Slays
I’m Sir Slaysalot Orcbane. A hero, paladin of the Silver Pennant, and purveyor of haute couture (oat koo TUR). I was transported here three days ago by the spell of an evil wizard. She called it the Dutch oven.
Frandrick
Oh aye… I know it well…! As we say in the North… all men must die, and some will die because of the smell of other men.
Slays
When I awoke and cleared the tears from my eyes, I was here, a long way from my home in Greyhawk.
Qatt
Greyhawk? Where is this Greyhawk, Slaysalot?
Jace
It’s not in Westeros, surely.
Slays
Usually Greyhawk is Sunday afternoons in the basement when Mom isn’t doing laundry.
Frandrick
And what is this koo TUR made from oats? A breakfast food that Mom makes, perhaps?
Slays
Oat koo TUR is designer fashion and a snappy sense of style.
Jace
I see. Your doublet… are those pearl buttons?! I am not eager to fight alongside a warrior with better clothes than mine.
Slays
To crush a foe’s heart, Jace, one must first crush his confidence.
Jace
Exactly. Kind of like what this kingdom is doing to mine. These clods have miraculous toys, but no one knows how to clean a fish or skin a squirrel. They can barely walk from their houses to their cars.
Frandrick
All they do is stare at their little… scribe board things. And somehow they still have money to eat.
Qatt
Those little illuminated devices are called JOBS, my friends. They’re named after the scribe who invented them. Through a sorcery called economics, the more you rub and talk into a job, the more gold you earn. Why else do you think they spend all their time rubbing and stroking their jobs?
Slays
It just seems wrong. This place is so strange.
Jace
I agree. I… I’m homesick, guys. And I don’t know if I can learn how to survive here.
Qaat
Jace… girl, I’m with you. I think we’re all scared of that too.
SFX: coffee steamer sound.
Qasper
Hissssss!
Slays
Dammit! Control your cat, Qatt!
Barista
(distant shout) Venti chai latte for LaShonda…?
Frandrick
(spits into his cup) What kind of tavern is this, anyhow? This is the worst mead in all of the Seven Kingdoms!
Qatt
We’re not in the Seven Kingdoms, Frandrick.
Barista
Great, guys, I love the LARP cosplay thing you guys have going here but someone complained that you threatened them with real violence.
Frandrick
That’s not true. Qatt threatened to haunt that woman with a shadow baby, but only steel can deliver real violence.
Barista
Great, okay, have a good day!
Frandrick
Qatt, this mead makes me anxious AND it tastes like swamp urine.
Jace
Not surprised that you’re familiar with the taste of swamp urine.
Slays
They call it coffee.
Jace
They do not! Can’t you read their writing? They call it pumpkin spice venti.
Qatt
Hold…! Let’s not fight amongst ourselves. We have a greater fight we must win. I called you here because we have a quest.
Slays
Ah! My loins stir at the prospect of battle…! Who are we fighting? A secret society of gelatinous cubes? A stampeding herd of bugbears?
Jace
I have heard of the life-draining schemes of a man. A warlock named Rush. I have talked to the commoners. They all live in fear of him. At dawn and dusk every day… he tortures tens of millions of innocents… and condemns their souls to the Storm God.
Qatt
Uhhh… no. That is not our quest.
Frandrick
Do you speak of the state legislature, Jace?
Jace
No, not those petty warlords. I speak of the one they call… Rush Hour Traffic. Someone must slay him. That must be our battle.
Qatt
Not that kind of battle, friends. Our battle is survival, and to survive, we must work together. In short… we need jobs.
Qasper
Mrrrrrrow!
Barista
Uh, excuse me, guys, we noticed that this twenty you paid with…
Jace
Frandrick… what’d you do?
Barista
So, it’s just a one. With the corners of a twenty glued to it.
Frandrick
Smoke bomb out!
SFX: smokebomb and glass sound, NARRATOR and SFX coughing
Qasper
Yeeeeerrrrrrow!
Barista
God, the stench!
Qatt
Run for the exit!
Narrator
Obscured by a cloud of dragonbreath-scented smoke, our brave heroes swiftly sprint away from disaster.
SFX: transition music
SCENE 2 – TEMP AGENCY
Narrator
Several weeks later, seeking more fame, glory, and hot meals, our fantastical five return to their newly-found source of adventures: the local Richard Half temp agency.
Sydney
Hi guys. Zachary tells me you want to do another group assignment, right?
Slays
You are an NPC, right? NPC, I want another coffee with extra sugar. Please.
Qatt
Shut up. Aye, Lady Sydney, we do desire to journey together again. A solitary warrior is merely a meal for wolves.
Sydney
Just Sydney, please. And how do you know each other? Groundskeeping? Wait, don’t tell me. The Pecan Street Fair… wait! No, I’m going to say the northside Goodwill, all grabbing for the same greasy leather jacket at the same time. Right?
Slays
Lady Sydney, we need work so we can earn these “mad Benjamins.” Then we will sell them for money. We’ll do anything. Giant spiders. Giant rats. Hell, we’ll hunt giant ants.
Jace
(loud whisper to Slays) What are you prattling on about– giant ants! (to Sydney) We’ll train your rawest recruits, Lady Sydney. We’ll hunt Wildlings for you. We’ll even wash corpses for you.
Sydney
Uh… okay, I have a feeling there isn’t much need for corpse-washing right now but I like the attitude! We’ll find you the right job.
Jace
Qatt, she’ll find us a job. Which is different from a phone.
Frandrick
We’re willing to do novice-level work. Apprentice-level…!
Sydney
Like… unpaid intern level?
Qasper
Hisssssss!
Qatt
We may be strangers in this town, Lady Sydney, but we are not children whom you can beat with a spoon and stab in the ass.
Sydney
Okay, okay, sorry, I had to ask!
Qatt
We’ve also been instructed to inquire about healing benefits.
Jace
Health benefits.
Sydney
Riiiight. Well, this is a temp agency, as you know–
Slays
She seeks to entrap us! Beware of an indenture enchantment!
Sydney
There are no health benefits for level 1 contractors.
Slays
I knew it…!
Qatt
Jace, you will be our primary care provider for this adventure.
Jace
What do we say to the god of death? We say we’ve got healthcare, you greedy arse.
Frandrick
Oh damn. Jace is our primary care provider again? When I lost a toe mowing that man’s lawn, all Jace did was rub the wound with pink salt and sing it a lullaby!
Qaat
Lady Sydney, if Frandrick had suffered a more grievous injury, how could we possibly afford a healer or temple? How do Americans survive on these wages?
Sydney
Oh, so you guys are immigrants? Did Zachary check your citizenship papers?
Frandrick
Lady Sydney, do you get paid the same rate we do?
Sydney
Oh god, no. (laughs) It sucks to be you. But after a few years maybe you can get some training or latch on as a seasonal worker someplace.
Jace
I want to go home.
Slays
It’s like… Scourge of the Slave Lords all over again. But whenever I decapitate someone here… people act all weird when I search the body.
Sydney
Glad we have that settled. So… Mister… Mister Slaysalot… how many words can you do per minute?
Slays
(slams his hand on the table) All of them!
Qasper
Mrrrrrow!
SFX: tapping on keyboard
Sydney
Uh huh. And what kind of previous experience do you have? Qatt?
Qatt
Have you heard of the Second Ascension of the Amulet of Tears of Jar Han, the Eighth of the Sea-Green Emperors of Yi Ti?
Sydney
If it wasn’t on Instagram, I didn’t see it.
Qatt
In Qarth, the birthplace of civilization, the evil and accursed Amulet of Tears was shattered into 13 pieces by the Pureborn. They gave each fragment to a different courier… to be carried to 13 different cities in the 7 Kingdoms for safekeeping.
Sydney
(not sure where this is going) Ohhhkay…?
Frandrick
You don’t know this story?
Jace
Everyone knows this one! The couriers were chosen by Zavious the Perforated, selected from his friends at the Puzzlemasters Guild.
Qatt
Chosen unwisely.
Slays
Oh my gods! That’s hilarious. I get it! Can I go? Can I guess?
Qatt
Fine, go. Spoil my story.
Slays
These Puzzlemaster idiots traveled together and snapped the cursed amulet back together! That is freaking PERFECT.
Frandrick
Puzzlemasters Guild… at your serrrrrrrvice!
Slays, Qatt, Jace, and Frandrick laugh. Qasper meows.
Sydney
Ok, I don’t know what that was. Qatt, I asked you for your work experience!
Qatt
Oh, didn’t Jace mention Zavious the Perforated?
Sydney
Yes?
Qatt
Well, I did the perforating. I mean, not to brag, but I also hunted him down, and you know, immolated all of his henchmen. Bothersome people.
SFX: tapping on keyboard
Jace
That was you, Qatt?!? A girl knows how to use a blade.
Qatt
Thank you, Jace.
Sydney
Lovely… I hate to sound negative, but don’t you guys have any skills that don’t involve murdering or maiming others? IT helpdesk, maybe, or data entry?
Slays
We’d love to kill this mighty helpdesk for you. And I have personally slain many dated ents and trees.
Qatt
(serious) Death is certain. The amount of pain is not. (brightly) We can adjust that to the client’s preferences…!
Frandrick
I see what you’re saying, Lady Sydney. But it is unwise to ask a warrior to helpdesk others when he has trained his whole life to cause pain and suffering.
Jace
Lady Sydney, do remember I am a master healer. I don’t have my leeches with me, but even so, I can prepare all the latest poultices if I can just harvest for a few weeks in an arctic or subarctic region.
Frandrick
And of course we are very experienced at helping people by inflicting pain and death on other people.
Sydney
I… maybe this isn’t the right place for you. You guys need to find work at a butcher shop or a terrorist death camp.
Qatt
Oh, now we’re too brutal for you? We’re not the ones gunning down children at elementary schools.
Sydney
(huffy) Only ONE of those shooters was affiliated in any way with the Richard Half temporary agency!
SFX: tapping on keyboard
Sydney
(grumbling) No wonder Zachary assigned this case to me. Maybe he needs to experience a little pain and death.
Slays
Did you want us to find this Zachary for you, Lady Sydney?
SFX: tapping on keyboard
Sydney
Oh wait! This is perfect. I have an assignment with Mr. Socasma. He needs help cleaning out his church storage room.
Slays
My loins tremble at the prospect of battle! Is it wights? Liches? Vampires?
Qatt
“Cleaning out” is the loadstone that draws us forth towards our destiny. We won’t fail you, Lady Sydney.
Slays
Ghosts? Zombies? Gremlins? Imps?
Sydney
Mr. Slaysalot, it just says that you need to be ready to get your hands dirty. So I hope you wear something a little more… practical for your assignment. It also says good workers may be able to earn a bonus.
Slays
HA HA HA HA! The battle lust storms through my veins! Forward for the BONUS!
SFX: transition music
SCENE 3 – CHURCH
Narrator
As our five heroes approach Northside Methodist Church, Frandrick notices a sign planted in the ground near the entrance.
Frandrick
What is this? Open carry of handguns prohibited?
Qatt
These Americans are a suspicious bunch. It means we check our weapons at the door. Look for a sword rack inside. It will be filled with those fabric cane sword things.
Jace
They’re called umbrellas, Qatt.
Slays
Okay, okay. I forgot. What’s my quest again?
Qatt
(sighs) Keep your eyes on me. We destroy any threats within the room. Find the sacred Bonus. Defeat their leader, the warlock Sarcasmo.
Jace
Aye, Qatt. From his name, I suspect he is a master of spoken magics. Beware his ability to unleash power words that demoralize, belittle, and destroy.
Frandrick
I have heard of such. He may turn his poison words upon the Holy Bonus and destroy it with withering criticism.
Jace
No decapitations! If we break their silly laws I have no doubt Lady Sydney will indeed exile us to the kingdom of Montana.
Frandrick
But Jace… what if some of the church inhabitants are friendly?
Qasper
Mrowwww?
Slays
Friendly!? Don’t the words “clean out” mean anything to you? Or is that a foreign concept in Westeros?
Qatt
Shut up! Come with me if you want to live…!
Sfx: door opens
Jace
(soft voice) Okay, here’s the sword rack.
Slays
(soft voice) I can’t see anything! Is it sorcery, Qatt?
Qatt
(soft voice) No, Slays! It’s dark!
Sfx: clatter of swords
Socasma
Hello? Are you the temps? Here, let me turn on the light.
Sfx: light switch
Frandrick
Aaaah! Bright light! Bright light!
Qatt
Attack! Qasper, dracarys (druh-CAR-iss)!
Qasper
MRRRROWWW!!
SFX: clawing sounds
Sfx: running feet
Socasma
Oh shit!
Jace
Get the bonus! Get the bonus before Sarcasmo can destroy it!
Sfx: running feet
Qatt
Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!
SFX: electrical crackle
Slays
For Lady Sydney!
Socasma screams.
Socasma
Somebody call 911!
SFX: transition music
SCENE 4 – ART FAIR
Sfx: start playing park sounds every 15 seconds
Narrator
Months have passed since the church debacle. It is a fine sunny spring evening at the city art fair. Vendors sell jewelry, snacks, and trinkets at a collection of tables. Jace and Frandrick pick their way across the lawn in a contemplative mood.
Frandrick
I’m doing better, Jace. My toe is healing and some days I feel like I might just make it through the year.
Jace
I’m so happy for you, Franny. It still feels so foreign and dreamlike to me.
Frandrick
Yesterday I went to get some fruit at the supermarket. What a strange place, the supermarket.
Jace
I know what you mean.
Frandrick
Row upon row of perfect, shiny apples. And then oranges, and lemons. Not a bruise on them. In Winterfell, any grocer with such a grand bizarre display would be branded as a witch and thrown out of the city.
Jace
Have you seen how many kinds of dog food Americans have, Frandrick? Who buys all these dog foods? For dogs! An American dog eats better than a Lannister prince!
Frandrick
Pure madness.
Jace
There is no wilderness here. There are no frightening wild woods, and the night is not full of terrors. It’s full of LED lanterns and self-piloted drones. Fran, we’ve discovered a world without mystery.
Frandrick
I spent many a sleepless night in Winterfell, terrified of mystery. And terrified of starving to death in some unforsaken wilderness. But now I miss it.
Jace
I miss it, but I suppose I sleep better here.
Frandrick
Have you found steady work, Jace? Anything stable?
Jace
I tried selling healing poultices, actually, but the police cited me for medical fraud. So I went back to school and now I’m training as a therapist. I am also working on some homebrew recipes.
Frandrick
I’d love to try some.
Jace
But it’s hard. I’m still in debt for the fraud thing.
Frandrick
Oh gods. I am sorry to hear that. I… I am using my hand-eye coordination in productive ways, at least. I juggle at the park on weekends. I go to the co-working place and steal a few lunches. And I am trying to break in as an e-athlete.
Jace
What in seven hells is an e-athlete? Do you send email for the Olympics?
Frandrick
No, no. (chuckles) I play videogames, and if I do really well I might be able to earn a contract with a sponsor.
Jace
Indeed?
Frandrick
So far I’ve earned $5000, a lot of Red Bull energy drinks, and a vibrating chair.
Jace
Oh no. Fran, just no.
Frandrick
You’re getting the wrong idea. It’s just a gaming toy–
Jace
Please shut your hole before you fill my mind with disgusting images. Maintain your pride, by the gods. A man can find a woman, even in this unforgiven place.
Frandrick
When you waste time trying to get people to love you, you’ll end up as the most diseased man in town.
Jace
Seven hells! Look over by the cotton candy machine — getting his face painted —
Frandrick
It’s Slaysalot! Hey, Sir Slaysalot!
Slays
Hey guys! Fancy meeting you here. But please, call me Sly. My real name freaks out the locals.
Frandrick
I like your face paint. Fair to say you are like that Hulk godling in real life.
Jace
Superhero. That’s what they call them.
Slays
Is this real life?
Jace
Point taken.
Slays
I’m finding my way in this damned place, though. I got a job as a sous chef at the Holiday Inn.
Jace
That’s brilliant, Slays! I mean, Sly.
Slays
Yeah, it beats starving for sure. And the head chef likes my knife skills.
Frandrick
Your knife skills are pretty solid. We’ve seen your knife skills.
SFX: stop playing park sounds
Slays
I haven’t cut myself yet! Maybe I’ll even sign up for sushi training or fashion design school. Oh! Believe it or not, Qatt should be here any minute. She loves the ale from one of the vendors. Let’s walk.
Jace
Really! I’d love to see her.
Sfx: walking feet
Frandrick
Qatt! Gods it’s good to see you. And Qasper… he’s putting on a little weight, I see!
Qasper
Mrrrrow.
Qatt
Aye, he’s eating better here than in Westeros for certain. What a pleasant surprise to see you two! And this is Tywirion (tie-WEARY-un). He brews this delightful ale and sells it here.
Tywirion
Well met, my friends.
Qatt
Here, hoist a pint. This is the best Lannister ale in the entire country.
Jace
Lannister ale!
Tywirion
Yes, I’m a new arrival from Westeros.
Jace
Oh no. This ale is indeed the best ale in this country. I’d argue the best in Westeros as well. Give me your hand, dear Tywirion, because you are a master of your craft.
Tywirion
You are much too kind–URGH! (dies)
SFX: stabbing sounds
Jace
Your ale is beautiful. And so you must die.
Qatt
Oh Jace. Morghulis (more-GOO-lis) and all that, but did you have to hug-stab my favorite brewer?
Jace
There can be only one Westerosi ale in this city. And it’s my homebrew.
Slays
I will never understand you Westeros types.
Qatt
(brightly) Sly, I like your new look. The lace and taffeta really set off the facepaint.
Slays
I wish I’d had this makeup walking through the zoo on the way over here.
Jace
Why is that? To scare the animals?
Slays
No, to scare the children! They were laughing at me.
Jace
Why were they laughing at you?
Slays
It’s because American animals are terrifying and they made me cry a little bit. Give me a beholder or a basilisk any day, but these bears and tigers are freakish.
The others chuckle.
Slays
You know what’s really freakish? It’s how well our friend Qatt is doing now.
Qatt
Aye, the stars have aligned for me. When a poor Qartheen girl can eat three times a day, she feels like an heiress of the Pureborn. I’m the CTO of a startup on the south side. We’re building an app that mines HBO Go passwords instead of bitcoin.
Frandrick
What is an HBO Go password?
Qatt
Oh, Fran, you didn’t know? It’s the secret key to life in America. With the HBO Go, every stranger becomes a friend. It provisions every gathering with the finest bread and wine. It makes you an honored guest at every table.
Slays
HBO is okay. Game of Thrones is way overrated.
Jace
How did you learn to code so swiftly, Qatt?
Qatt
Sorcery is my playground, dear Jace. So it follows that summoning, spawning, and giving instructions to demons… is second nature to me. Whether they be made of ether or of electrons.
Frandrick
To Qatt! And another round for all!
Qasper
Mrrrow!
Slays
No offense to Qatt but all this talk of American success–
Frandrick
Subsistence!
Slays
American subsistence is boring the shit out of me. It is time for a tale, my comrades, a true story of my greatest adventure. A Grayhawk adventure in which we found the greatest treasure of all time.
Jace
Oh gods.
Slays
I was then working with a crew much like yourselves. A thief, a healer, a mage, and of course me as the tank and damage dealer.
Qatt
A tank? Like a gas tank?
Frandrick
He can be gassy. We all know that.
Slays
Back when evil was evil and loot drops were loot drops. In great Grayhawk, a land flowing with gold and honey, where magic relics were rich upon the land, lo, like so many flies on shit. We gathered the most ironic of iron rations and descended into the crypt of Ray-mi-fah-so, bursting with hope and optimism. We killed the goblins at the entrance and quickly encountered our nemesis: a locked door that we could not break or dent.
Frandrick
A door? Did it attack you with splinters?
Qatt
Did you try fire? Electricity?
Slays
No effect! Impervious to blade and mace, acid and water! After an hour of exhausting effort, we went around this diabolical door and continued slaying and looting. Then we came across the door again, but from the OTHER SIDE.
Frandrick
No! Don’t tell us you found the legendary door with two sides! The foulness of the two-sided door is known even in distant Westeros!
Slays
Don’t make me hurt you, thief. So our healer, who was perhaps the wisest adventurer I was ever privileged to meet, whispered in my ear the sagest advice I was ever privileged to hear.
Jace
We’re hoping we will also be privileged to hear–
Slays
Right right. So I did as he advised. I took that door off its hinges. And I bound it tightly with straps of dragonhide.
Qasper
Mrrrooow?
Qatt
Should you belabor us with a sex joke at this late stage, Sly, I swear I will strike you down as you stand.
Slays
And I strapped it to my mighty arm and used it as a tower shield for the rest of the adventure…!
Frandrick
Huh!
Slays
A bit awkward, and the handle got hellish hot when we ran up against a red dragon. But it never took a scratch. It served me well until the strap broke when I was fording a river years later.
Jace
I love it!
Slays
It was truly the greatest treasure I found in all my years of plundering. The only injury I sustained that whole week was a case of bunions from carrying all the loot!
All laugh.
Qasper
Meowwww….
Frandrick
Sir Slys-a-lot, I thank you for your generous tale. In its tribute, I quaff this splendid ale. I now would like to call for a toast to the one thing we all love even more than our distant homes.
Qatt
And what would that be, dear Frandrick? Gold? Victory?
Frandrick
To adventure!
Sfx: glasses clink
ALL
To adventure!
Credits:
Melissa Wykes (Qatt), Vidya Travis (Jace), Cameron Stewart (Frandrick), Hector Gonzalez (Slaysalot), Tomi Welch (Sydney), Sierra Laddusaw (Narrator), Jamie Holt (Qasper), Rocco Trosclair (sfx, Tywirion, and credits), D Chang (barista), and Matthew Bey (Socasma).
Special thanks to Patrice Sarath, Charles Siros, and Martin Kevorkian. Sound effects by AllSounds on Youtube (audionautix.com) under the Creative Commons 4.0 attribution license. Music by Infernal Bridegroom. Story by D Chang. Copyright 2019.
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