Dear Aunty Stanky:

I have just had plastic surgery and everyone at the launderette is making mean jokes about my three-cup bra. What should I do?

– Eccentrica Gallumbits

Dear Tri-tits:

Did you also make your skin blue?  Apparently, the triple-cup maneuver needs blue skin to really make anyone sit up and take notice.  (Or green, apparently, but I never understood that lot. Green?  That’s Soylent, not sordid!)

Also, while we’re at it, what did you look like before the surgery?  Send me pics, I just want to know for, um, posterity’s sake.

Your (not in any way pervy)

Aunty Stanky