Dear Aunty Stanky:

Pi does not go on forever. I know what the final digit is. Which famous mathematician should I go back in time to notify? Also, how do I build a time machine?

Sign me,

Miss American Pi

Miss American Pi —

Bye, bye. You know too much.  My Chevy is in the levee (because, um, drunk driving), but you enjoy numbers, and frankly, most of us forgot about those. And those good old boys are too wasted on whiskey and rye to even remember that night you had together.

Long story short, to build a time machine you just pretend that it never happened.  Never, ever happened…

Oh, wait.  Pi without the “e”.

Eh, no one really cares.  Go draw a perfect circle or something, and let the rest of us drown our sorrows.

Always your (timely)

Aunty Stanky