Dear Aunty Stanky,

I woke up this morning to discover that I am omnipotent. What can I do?

Dear um, ?

I guess your precarious position with the Universe makes you unable to give a stunning sobriquet, but no matter.  I know who you are, Randy (if that is your true name, and not a condition).

That’s right, “oh powerful one” — remember when you made me call you that? – I remember those days and nights spent together in a certain lagoon, lover, and the water may have been black, but what we did there was very very blue, indeed…

Anyway, what’s past is past.  Let’s break down your terminology, shall we?  Hmm, ‘omnipotent’.  Okay, we all know the ‘omni’ part, but let’s get to that other term, shall we?  As in ‘potent’?

Which you weren’t, if I recall.  On multiple occasions.  Perhaps the word ‘omni-impotent’ is what you were looking for, right, Randy?

Hope that helps!

Always your Aunty,

Le Stanky

[Editor’s note: This question was from Chris Lee Jones, author of “Your Favorite Hot Refreshments,” but due to minion incompetence, Stanky was not given Chris’ name.]