Dear Aunty Stanky —

You’ve got a lot of nerve, pretending to be an expert on astrophysics, apocryphal hagiography, cranial phrenology, and real housewives profanity systemology. Let’s see if you can answer one simple question with any degree of accuracy, or if your lack of expertise will be definitively exposed for all to jeer at. The question is: of the three explosive devices in Shakespeare’s tragedies, which one had the lowest yield…and which caused the most damage to plot-critical housepets (e.g., Falstaff the Mastiff)? Good luck saving face and keeping your job!

Yours truly,

PUFFADDER GALLEON

Dear Puffdaddy –

Puffadder?  You’re more like Puff The Magic Dragon, because, like you, he’s alone in the end.  But even in despair, he’s more fun.

Also, Galleon?  You’re more like a schooner, mate.

Always your (inevitable),

Master Stanky