Dear Aunty Stanky,

I am having a hard time convincing my friends and family that extraterrestrial travellers from a distant star system truly did visit me on several occasions in the late 2010s, and shared the deepest secrets of our universe with me and me alone. Amusingly, my attempts to convince the people in my life of this truth have been described as “alienating.” Should I just bite my tongue and pretend I’m not carrying the darkest and most mind-blowing secrets of our universe? Or should I continue attempting to share what I know with every single person I meet? Neither option has really worked out for me.

Sincerely,

I KNOW WHAT I SAW

Dear Saw-saw –

Are you from Arkansas?  (Just a little joke….)

Here’s my basic issue with your inventive description of your origin story.  See, I know ancient aliens.  You’re no ancient alien, nor have you seen one.  Trust me, my cousin Paulie would’ve told me.

But, to prove me wrong, tell me a secret.  Just one, mind you, I’m not greedy.  Send your response to Stanky@whatever.com.  I’ll be waiting…

Always your (purely terrestrial),

Aunty Stanky