Dear Aunty Stanky,

I have a friend who is starting a cult. He wants me to emblazon thirty black robes with symbols of a death unicorn and wash them in virgin blood.

Should I charge him for my labour?

Regards,

NETTY NEEDLEHANDS

Dear Edwar – oops, Netty –

Thirty?  That’s a lot of crazy (if you get my meaning).  I’d give him a counter-offer of maybe ten greyish undershirts with vaguely pointy-looking sweat stains all covered in watered-down catsup.  Let’s face it, he won’t really notice the difference.

Always you counter-Cult(ured),

Aunty Stanky